Lord Immaculate's Manifesto

Polling Day In Scotland

While it would be a shame to see Scotland leave the UK after so long, it is also exciting to find ourselves on the verge of a historical event which would be remembered and studied for centuries after we’ve all toddled along. Other major incidents of my lifetime – the fall of the Iron Curtain, the assassination of Diana, the Twin Towers atrocity – will also resonate through time, but what may happen today is bigger. The UK, which we are often assured is a small and puny nation, has been one of the major players in this world’s life (could be still), and for centuries Scotland has stood alongside England and Wales at the centre of that success story. We could be witnessing the biggest divorce since Henry and Catherine.

Lord Imm feels strangely sedate in the matter. I always imagined I would be much more partisan come this election, but actually I find myself happy for the Scots. Yes, I’d like the union to remain, but I will not shed a tear if it does not. Living alongside an independent Scotland would be an interesting experience. A change, as they say, is as good as a holiday; a breath of fresh North Sea air is good for the follicles. We’ll be the exes who remain friends, by and large. Okay, splitting up is never completely harmonious, whichever face people put on it. Each side of the divide will want to see the other flounder without them, both will act as if they couldn’t care less while wishing each other all the best. I expect both countries reserve the right to a little bitterness; imagine the squabbles over assets, borders, the BBC, Scottish politicians in (and surely out of) Westminster, the republican referendum, etc. But we’ll still be great mates, right?

Having said that, I certainly begrudge the thought of celebrations in the Vatican. They’ve got long memories down there, and I suspect the break up of the UK is not far behind an ignominious demise for the Royal Family on their holy wishlist. I can’t help but note that a lot of Scots will feel rather daft if the Pope arrives in a Republic of Scotland to offer Alex Salmond his ring (pardonne moi).